chiaroscuro

twenty-one chains linking us from wrist to wrist you were a sun, a star, impossible to resist i trailed behind you in awe of your fetching splendor never understanding who the chains were meant for we walked on precipices and sky bridges made of laughter we ran, we danced, we cavorted, feckless, there was no "after" because we were short sighted creatures, we never considered the horizon we thrived on the deepest wines, the freest songs, the sweetest poisons one day, you ran ahead, and i tumbled behind twenty one chains, bringing me down, immovable and unkind your chariot blazed forth and i screamed for it to stop but there was nothing but the unending wheels and the grinning mob i ate dust, my eyes were blinded, i swallowed blood tangled in a web made out of veins and mud i lost my voice in the overwhelming silence of your disregard leaving what was left of my body irrevocably scarred it took me twenty one scars to break the twenty one chains and even when i was myself again...

Unstrung and flung far Hollow and eerily resonant Could we even beg to begin What this burgeoning seed of a relationship is? I once took a thread from your tapestry Wove myself a doormat out of its virgin gold Thought it was but a drop of the dregs A goblet in a whole cupboard, untouched I sucked every dreg clean Brought it forth from my mouth dry Everything feels damp and lonely I miss the days of hot chocolate substitutes We'll be sure to meet again But it's on these sorts of days I wonder That had I not touched your tapestry If we would've met under drier skies

i am in denial of my existence oh that is not to say that i am unaware of my body i am very aware of my body i am aware of how the light lines my silhouette in colors of red and orange and how i fade into the darkness like a softly drawn tear halos that alight on my head washing downwards in a flood of buzzing wings i am frozen i refuse to acknowledge the light can i refuse a shadow can i refuse a light the curse of a chiaroscuro existence forever shadowed forever lit never to come out full into the light or to retreat wholly into the blackness and so i clutch my arms and i don't look at myself i just look forward to where the shadows and the light meld like a song that sounds like acceptance.

I fall for the ones in trouble What can I say They are just snaps in sparks That make my entire day It's not a reputable thing To pine for the devious But to pass up a rosy opportunity That would be truly grevious If I were to live an ivory tower life Gilded and pinned and breathless How can I live a life like that And not be a decoration--worthless Seizing the spark, carrying the flame Playing with fire, carpe diem It's trite and it's foolish I know But they're irresistible, I just fall for them So if you can, write me a letter Admonish me, scold me, beg me But I'll probably be tossing on the wind In the arms of a devil-may-care smirk, free.

Freshly born, you are unaware of the long spool of life that is given to you How a hundred years is but a day to you and your ageless form You laugh and play with your kind, spending a golden childhood in the safety of ignorance Life is sweeter when you know nothing, drunken on the dregs of storks and gods and magic You have to pass a test, the elders of the higher realms command you, pointing below To rule this realm you must understand its sorrows, they say in voices of jewels Stepping onto Earth is like stepping into a residual puddle with no shoes You wrinkle your nose as the fumes of mortality seize your nostrils and tickle your eyes  But you are most aware of the spinning of the stars, the whirl of the planets above you They dance so fast, these ethereal plates you used to skip stones with as a child Life moves like usual, life is but an extension of your time in the golden bubble But it's like a roar of noise, a cacophony of laughs and screams and cries of deli...

there's something about girls who wear ragged shorts and drown in puffy coats who roller blade to class and scrape their knees and laugh through lipsticked teeth there's something about girls who glide across snow to sing with whistles and shrieks who beckon with their eyes "come hither, come here" they say through their ringed fingers there's something about girls who wear metal and spit fire hair like stripped bark and stars smoking on the tears of the withered and grinding their boot heel on the butts of whimpering cigarettes there's something about girls with their library of collections their small eyes full of world's wonder and the borrowed curiosity of the old trekking in muddy sneakers towards the gaping library doors there's something about girls who forge on a determined path towards an age of weightlessness where people stand on soapboxes not to preach but to reach for the folded black umbrella above there...

On the outside I'm looking in Prying into something broken I hold a single candle Against the backdrop of a thousand fires The crypt is filled The mourners gather I stand here with a single candle On the outside looking in The sky vomits rain Drenching the banners of black A few raindrops splatter my cheeks Under the guise of tears My single candle sputters in the wind A single smile, a single greeting Exchanged in the burgundy hallway A single candle to a thousand bonfires Her match has gone out Choked to death by the vomiting rain I am on the outside looking in Mourning a death that once smiled at me.