chiaroscuro

 I am but a drop in a bucket of water trembling over the rim, waiting, wavering surface tension, like music, like rests I am waiting, in a cocoon of skin and hair the sun rises, and sinks, over and over waiting, I write, I sleep, I live Thriving day to day, living day to day waiting for the trumpet call, waiting for resonance Am I another keeper in an dead grove? The fall leaves crunch underfoot as I walk forward, forever walking forward Every day I look back; the path yawns shortly I can see so many spiderwebs before me Branching in shimmering octets of sound Will I choose my own harmony   Forever I walk forward Forever I look back, and then I squint at the sun So far away, and yet it surrounds me   I have yet to tread my path with determination I have resigned myself to follow the highway But one day I will make this path my own. 

to be hurt, to be held to be caressed, to be cursed to be kissed, to be bit to be loved, to be desired to smile, to grin to whisper, to hiss to touch, to scratch to be sweetened, to be warmed to sink, to rise to tread softly, to be tread on to be stroked and soothed, to be struck and torn to hear his voice, to hear her voice to see their eyes in the dark to be gripped, to grip to fall, to be swallowed to plunge, to crest to fall into an endless pit or to ascend the brightest star.

her arms drew forth the curtain, ivory skin against silken drapes the fragrance of her laugh drifted from inside, all i see is candlelight heels clacked against marbled floors, a thin whisper of smoke the knotted hems, the plunging chains of gold, all melted like graves i followed, confused, intrigued, entranced; her statuette leaned over to embrace me   a thin rapier hung from the wall. his portrait, forbidding, fearsome, glowered at me the fireplace cracked, the broken wood screamed, all was unsettling the silken ropes twined about my neck and wrists and ankles hummed like saints the blackened lace underneath my blunted fingernails scratched and then i sank into the carpet, swirled, dizzied, blinded by the splashes of ringing laughter   i never did wake, i do not think for even now her fingers, delicate bone, cinch around my jaw stroking, prodding, caressing, grounding the whisper of her necklace trails between my breasts as she leans in, purring I clutch the coverlets, powerless, as

yearning seeking grasping swoops of colors and scales in my fingers turning like an upside down hourglass putting a brightly plumed bird in something so constricting as  little finger pecks of black and white scoring like crescents across endless white that dip and swoop in my stomach the arch of a painted bow or the flirty plunge of the soprano how can i ever seek to cage that brightly plumed bird in something so constricting as words on a blank, faceless, unexciting piece of paper

 directionless wishing for a current   this sinister undertow me floating on my buoy   watching the drowners swim  fruitlessly and chaotically   let them claim some foothold I have my bearings I can feel the gap between us yawn wider me at the pier and you in the depths Your cries are far flung I can tell you that you're heard but I can do nothing but watch you fall My feet on steady shifts of sand and nothing below you but darkness I feel guilty and fearful and guilty at feeling fearful, for what else can I do when I'm here on a safe dock and you drown miles from me?

let me go mad for you i will take on the world's armies scream the foulest battlecries to bring you back from the fount of death let me go mad for you tear the very wretched things apart claw through an ocean of screams to spark life into your irises to be mad, to be enraged, to lost all my sanity these are paltry gifts to offer for you, sweetness for you i would wring them all dry to wet your thirst cracked mouth let me clutch your heart and howl at the unfaithful moon let me take them all in gulps to swallow and spit their essence for you i would do so much for you i am but a small thing you are my everywhere i want you to be mine and not theirs so let me cling, and let me fray for if I unravel, at least I can fall for you again

there is something indescribably beautiful about porcelain the flawless smoothness, the indeterminate perfection it's all curves and lissome grace and no one can find a fault but when the water builds like a swelling word like a battle cry against the unfairness of creation if the porcelain cracks, will it be worth what it originally beautifully was? there it is, that anonymity of being damaged every crack renders it a stranger to the beautiful no one claims ownership, for who will tie themselves to imperfection? a single number, a little tally mark off of a chipped granite wall sitting on a shelf filled with numerous obscurities all of us broken, damaged creatures, lined up in factory lines the shadows come play with us in the dust mote air lights dancing across every jagged ridge and valley they caress every point and soften the harshness with their silence i like this, being not known i like this darkness, this anonymity for no one likes to jeer at shadowed nothings but the mor

twenty-one chains linking us from wrist to wrist you were a sun, a star, impossible to resist i trailed behind you in awe of your fetching splendor never understanding who the chains were meant for we walked on precipices and sky bridges made of laughter we ran, we danced, we cavorted, feckless, there was no "after" because we were short sighted creatures, we never considered the horizon we thrived on the deepest wines, the freest songs, the sweetest poisons one day, you ran ahead, and i tumbled behind twenty one chains, bringing me down, immovable and unkind your chariot blazed forth and i screamed for it to stop but there was nothing but the unending wheels and the grinning mob i ate dust, my eyes were blinded, i swallowed blood tangled in a web made out of veins and mud i lost my voice in the overwhelming silence of your disregard leaving what was left of my body irrevocably scarred it took me twenty one scars to break the twenty one chains and even when i was myself again

Unstrung and flung far Hollow and eerily resonant Could we even beg to begin What this burgeoning seed of a relationship is? I once took a thread from your tapestry Wove myself a doormat out of its virgin gold Thought it was but a drop of the dregs A goblet in a whole cupboard, untouched I sucked every dreg clean Brought it forth from my mouth dry Everything feels damp and lonely I miss the days of hot chocolate substitutes We'll be sure to meet again But it's on these sorts of days I wonder That had I not touched your tapestry If we would've met under drier skies

i am in denial of my existence oh that is not to say that i am unaware of my body i am very aware of my body i am aware of how the light lines my silhouette in colors of red and orange and how i fade into the darkness like a softly drawn tear halos that alight on my head washing downwards in a flood of buzzing wings i am frozen i refuse to acknowledge the light can i refuse a shadow can i refuse a light the curse of a chiaroscuro existence forever shadowed forever lit never to come out full into the light or to retreat wholly into the blackness and so i clutch my arms and i don't look at myself i just look forward to where the shadows and the light meld like a song that sounds like acceptance.

I fall for the ones in trouble What can I say They are just snaps in sparks That make my entire day It's not a reputable thing To pine for the devious But to pass up a rosy opportunity That would be truly grevious If I were to live an ivory tower life Gilded and pinned and breathless How can I live a life like that And not be a decoration--worthless Seizing the spark, carrying the flame Playing with fire, carpe diem It's trite and it's foolish I know But they're irresistible, I just fall for them So if you can, write me a letter Admonish me, scold me, beg me But I'll probably be tossing on the wind In the arms of a devil-may-care smirk, free.

Freshly born, you are unaware of the long spool of life that is given to you How a hundred years is but a day to you and your ageless form You laugh and play with your kind, spending a golden childhood in the safety of ignorance Life is sweeter when you know nothing, drunken on the dregs of storks and gods and magic You have to pass a test, the elders of the higher realms command you, pointing below To rule this realm you must understand its sorrows, they say in voices of jewels Stepping onto Earth is like stepping into a residual puddle with no shoes You wrinkle your nose as the fumes of mortality seize your nostrils and tickle your eyes  But you are most aware of the spinning of the stars, the whirl of the planets above you They dance so fast, these ethereal plates you used to skip stones with as a child Life moves like usual, life is but an extension of your time in the golden bubble But it's like a roar of noise, a cacophony of laughs and screams and cries of deli

there's something about girls who wear ragged shorts and drown in puffy coats who roller blade to class and scrape their knees and laugh through lipsticked teeth there's something about girls who glide across snow to sing with whistles and shrieks who beckon with their eyes "come hither, come here" they say through their ringed fingers there's something about girls who wear metal and spit fire hair like stripped bark and stars smoking on the tears of the withered and grinding their boot heel on the butts of whimpering cigarettes there's something about girls with their library of collections their small eyes full of world's wonder and the borrowed curiosity of the old trekking in muddy sneakers towards the gaping library doors there's something about girls who forge on a determined path towards an age of weightlessness where people stand on soapboxes not to preach but to reach for the folded black umbrella above there

On the outside I'm looking in Prying into something broken I hold a single candle Against the backdrop of a thousand fires The crypt is filled The mourners gather I stand here with a single candle On the outside looking in The sky vomits rain Drenching the banners of black A few raindrops splatter my cheeks Under the guise of tears My single candle sputters in the wind A single smile, a single greeting Exchanged in the burgundy hallway A single candle to a thousand bonfires Her match has gone out Choked to death by the vomiting rain I am on the outside looking in Mourning a death that once smiled at me.

that heart-colored galaxy surpassing the rich raging tapestry throwing it all into the stars like trust, like hope, like resolve we bounce from constellation to constellation wishing and seeing and singing to unsung icy melodies that pick at the frost of the heart speaking to the inner flame in our chest rattling like the tail of a snake giggling like the child entwined around your knees wailing like the bone flute carved from death sleeping like the monstrous dragon around the mountain we think in dreams and we laugh at reality bowing every ten steps to bless our path groveling as the pantheon throws the dice of life aces on the table, and you fold unpeel yet another memo, unfold another paper heart and reveal your lucky numbers, fortune favors the wise stand on your own two feet and seize unkind fate and wrestle it until the earth dissolves into craft glitter the last winding road you should take leads back to me standing under the iron bar lanterns flickeri