chiaroscuro

yearning seeking grasping swoops of colors and scales in my fingers turning like an upside down hourglass putting a brightly plumed bird in something so constricting as  little finger pecks of black and white scoring like crescents across endless white that dip and swoop in my stomach the arch of a painted bow or the flirty plunge of the soprano how can i ever seek to cage that brightly plumed bird in something so constricting as words on a blank, faceless, unexciting piece of paper

 directionless wishing for a current   this sinister undertow me floating on my buoy   watching the drowners swim  fruitlessly and chaotically   let them claim some foothold I have my bearings I can feel the gap between us yawn wider me at the pier and you in the depths Your cries are far flung I can tell you that you're heard but I can do nothing but watch you fall My feet on steady shifts of sand and nothing below you but darkness I feel guilty and fearful and guilty at feeling fearful, for what else can I do when I'm here on a safe dock and you drown miles from me?

let me go mad for you i will take on the world's armies scream the foulest battlecries to bring you back from the fount of death let me go mad for you tear the very wretched things apart claw through an ocean of screams to spark life into your irises to be mad, to be enraged, to lost all my sanity these are paltry gifts to offer for you, sweetness for you i would wring them all dry to wet your thirst cracked mouth let me clutch your heart and howl at the unfaithful moon let me take them all in gulps to swallow and spit their essence for you i would do so much for you i am but a small thing you are my everywhere i want you to be mine and not theirs so let me cling, and let me fray for if I unravel, at least I can fall for you again

there is something indescribably beautiful about porcelain the flawless smoothness, the indeterminate perfection it's all curves and lissome grace and no one can find a fault but when the water builds like a swelling word like a battle cry against the unfairness of creation if the porcelain cracks, will it be worth what it originally beautifully was? there it is, that anonymity of being damaged every crack renders it a stranger to the beautiful no one claims ownership, for who will tie themselves to imperfection? a single number, a little tally mark off of a chipped granite wall sitting on a shelf filled with numerous obscurities all of us broken, damaged creatures, lined up in factory lines the shadows come play with us in the dust mote air lights dancing across every jagged ridge and valley they caress every point and soften the harshness with their silence i like this, being not known i like this darkness, this anonymity for no one likes to jeer at shadowed nothings but the mor...

twenty-one chains linking us from wrist to wrist you were a sun, a star, impossible to resist i trailed behind you in awe of your fetching splendor never understanding who the chains were meant for we walked on precipices and sky bridges made of laughter we ran, we danced, we cavorted, feckless, there was no "after" because we were short sighted creatures, we never considered the horizon we thrived on the deepest wines, the freest songs, the sweetest poisons one day, you ran ahead, and i tumbled behind twenty one chains, bringing me down, immovable and unkind your chariot blazed forth and i screamed for it to stop but there was nothing but the unending wheels and the grinning mob i ate dust, my eyes were blinded, i swallowed blood tangled in a web made out of veins and mud i lost my voice in the overwhelming silence of your disregard leaving what was left of my body irrevocably scarred it took me twenty one scars to break the twenty one chains and even when i was myself again...

Unstrung and flung far Hollow and eerily resonant Could we even beg to begin What this burgeoning seed of a relationship is? I once took a thread from your tapestry Wove myself a doormat out of its virgin gold Thought it was but a drop of the dregs A goblet in a whole cupboard, untouched I sucked every dreg clean Brought it forth from my mouth dry Everything feels damp and lonely I miss the days of hot chocolate substitutes We'll be sure to meet again But it's on these sorts of days I wonder That had I not touched your tapestry If we would've met under drier skies

i am in denial of my existence oh that is not to say that i am unaware of my body i am very aware of my body i am aware of how the light lines my silhouette in colors of red and orange and how i fade into the darkness like a softly drawn tear halos that alight on my head washing downwards in a flood of buzzing wings i am frozen i refuse to acknowledge the light can i refuse a shadow can i refuse a light the curse of a chiaroscuro existence forever shadowed forever lit never to come out full into the light or to retreat wholly into the blackness and so i clutch my arms and i don't look at myself i just look forward to where the shadows and the light meld like a song that sounds like acceptance.